Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
