You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
