do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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