You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
