tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
