Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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