Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
