I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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