Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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