Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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