You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
