And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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