I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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