Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
