I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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