Sry I called you an 8
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
