so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
