we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize