You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
