I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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