She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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