So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
