his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
