A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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