for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
