I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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