weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
