Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize