I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
