I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize