I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
