Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
