i permit you to call me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
barbara walters just said penis...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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