Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
