So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize