Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
