Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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