He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
home. puking in laundry basket.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
