took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
