i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
