I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
