Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
