I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
