My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize