My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
