ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
