I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize