he thought i was a dude.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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