All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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