I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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