She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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