He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
