I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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