Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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