Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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