He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize