I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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