I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
