I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
