Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
