did you get engaged???
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
