HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
