The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
