you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
