ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
