is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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