i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
