I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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