yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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