Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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