I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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