Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
