how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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