Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Damn victory sex feels great
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