how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
