You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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