Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
