One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
