This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
