So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize