i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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