I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
