Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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