Screwed.edu
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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