While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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