At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
