i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In America we eat man semen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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