im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
