and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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