How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
