p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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