I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
