Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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