im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
smell my finger.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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