I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
