great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
