I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize