The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
