Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
