i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
